Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Buhari Stole More Than Any Nigerian [MUST READ]

He without sin should cast the first stone..

A Nairalander called Acidosis feels Buhari might not be the saint most Nigerians think he is.
He took to the site to type his analysis below..

**He stole $2.8b as Petroleum minister, Money found in his UK Bank.

**Overthrow Shagari to cover his looting in oil ministry.

**He locked up Nigerians who try to expose his stealing.

**OBJ scraped PTF over Buhari's misappropriation of over N2.5 billion.

Shagari's regime (1979-1983) incurred Buhari's wrath when it decided to investigate the US$2.8 billion (current value $68billion) that disappeared from the Midland Bank, London account of the Nigerian National Petroleum Cooperation (NNPC).

During General Obasanjo's era as military head of state, regime that preceded Shagari's, Dr. Olusola Saraki, Turaki of Ilorin, was the majority party leader of the Senate at the time and he headed the Senate Committee set up to trace the stolen money after some three years of clamour for such an investigation by members of the civil society. The money was traced to the Midland Bank London branch fixed account of Buhari, Obasanjo's appointee as military head of the Nigerian National Petroleum Company.

The Committee's report was presented to the Senate during the tail end of Shagari's regime in 1983, so the House decided to deal with the matter soon after the 1983 general elections.

The attempt at civilian-to-civilian transition provided the fillip for mayhem at the time.

The elections were marred by massive rigging because incumbent political office holders were refusing to slacken their stranglehold on Nigeria Plc., mortgaged as the leaders private property. On the 31st December 1983, Buhari struck under the cover of the political commotion that trailed the presidential election results. Buhari generally had no agenda for leadership but vendetta against those he called critics and rabble-rousers.

Buhari did not see any moral wrong in his conversion of our oil money into his personal use. Rather he railed at the press and what he described as the self-righteous sections of the country for making a big deal out of the issue. He locked up without trial, politicians and critics including Fela Anikulapo-Kuti, notorious for clamouring for the exposure of the oil money rogue.

Satire saved my neck at the time.

Vera Ifudu, who was an NTA reporter then, was sacked through his prodding as military ruler, for reporting what Dr. Olusola Saraki had told her in an interview about how the missing money was traced to Buhari's account at a Midland Bank London branch.
Vera eventually won her case of wrongful dismissal in court against the NTA and was financially compensated.

Abacha rehabilitated Buhari with the chairmanship of the Petroleum Trust Fund (PTF) before he (Abacha) died in 1998. When Obasanjo returned to power in May 1999 as civilian president, he found that over 2.5 billion naira had not been properly accounted for in the PTF and that there was not much on the ground to show for the colossal expenditure the agency was claiming.

On the day Obasanjo announced the scrapping of the PTF, a non-staff brother-in-law of the boss, allegedly serving as his conduit on some PTF projects, died suddenly from what appeared to be heart failure.

Haruna Adamu, who was appointed by Obasanjo to investigate the PTF before finally consigning it to the dung heap, allegedly quickly pocketed one hundred million naira (N100million) of PTF's money before operating table could be set up for him, thus forcing Obasanjo to hurriedly close the place down without further investigations.

Buhari has been trying desperately since to return to power, perhaps to get a chance to shred the PTF documents?

Do you agree with this man??

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Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Oscar Pistorius Bags Five Years Imprisonment [FULL DETAILS]

Judge Thokozile Masipa rules Pistorius should be jailed for the culpable homicide of Reeva Steenkamp, but could be released on house arrest after 10 months

Oscar Pistorius is behind bars, reportedly at Kgosi Mampuru II prison in Pretoria, beginning a five-year jail sentence for the culpable homicide of Reeva Steenkamp.

Judge Thokozile Masipa has given Pistorius a five-year prison sentence, telling him:
"I am of the view that a non-custodial sentence would send a wrong message to the community. On the other hand, a long sentence would not be appropriate either, as it would lack the element of mercy."

She also handed down a three-year sentence for negligently discharging a firearm in a crowded restaurant, wholly suspended and to be served concurrently.

Pistorius must also surrender all his guns and firearms licences.
The judge said house arrest and community service – proposed by two defence witnesses in mitigation – would not be appropriate for Pistorius, who "deliberately fired four shots into the door".

But the judge acknowledged that there would be many who disagreed with her ruling:
"Society cannot always get what they want. Courts do not exist for a popularity contest but only to dispense justice … The general public may not even know the difference between punishment and vengeance."

"The loss of life cannot be reversed. Nothing I do or say today can reverse what happened to the deceased and to her family. Hopefully this sentence shall provide some sort of closure to the family … so they can move on with their lives."

Steenkamp's parents said they were satisfied with the sentence. But June Steenkamp, her mother, said there would not be closure, "unless you can magic her back". Her father Barry said: "I'm pleased that it's over."

There are disputed claims about how long the athlete will serve in prison, with the defence team indicating it expects him to be considered for house arrest after 10 months, and the National Prosecuting Authority insisting he must serve a minimum of one-third in jail: 20 months.

The defence is not expected to appeal the judgment, although prosecutors have stated there is an "appetite" for an appeal and they are looking at the legal basis for challenging the conviction and/or sentence.

Pistorius is reportedly currently in Kgosi Mampuru II prison, formerly Pretoria Central, where it is anticipated he will be housed in the hospital wing.

The Pistorius family has said it accepts the judgment. The athlete's uncle, Arnold Pistorius, said:
"I hope Oscar will start his own healing process as we walk down the path of restoration. As a family we are ready to support and guide Oscar as he serves his sentence."

The International Paralympic Committee has said Pistorius will be banned from athletics competitions until 2019.

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Sunday, 19 October 2014

Kanye West wants Beyonce and Kim Kardashian to end feud

Kanye West is reportedly trying to get Kim Kardashian to "soften" towards Beyoncé Knowles.

Kanye and Beyoncé's husband Jay Z are good friends and have even been on tour together. However, their wives don't get on quite so well, with speculation the singer is not too impressed with the reality TV star. Earlier this year it was claimed that Beyoncé asked not to be seated too close to Kim at the MTV VMAs, but she's apparently now had a re-think.

"But Kanye would love for things to be better and it trying to get Kim to soften.

Kim and Kanye tied the knot in Italy in May and it had been thought that Jay would act as best man. In the end, the A-list couple didn't attend - in part thought to be because Beyoncé didn't want to appear on Kim's show Keeping Up with the Kardashian.

"As far as Kim's concerned, the damage is done - she thinks Bey only wants to be friends because she wants something from her now," an insider told British magazine Heat.

"Kim's ignoring her calls so far. Bey's going to have to eat some serious humble pie to make up for all the public snubs she's made over the years and for missing her wedding," the source said.
"She's certainly not going to forgive her just because Kim's a bit more famous now and Beyoncé's popularity has taken a hit.

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Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Gov. Fashola Explains The Need for A Horn-Free Day

Lagos State Governor, Mr. Babatunde Fashola SAN threw more light on the idea behind his administration's innovative initiative, "A Day Without Horn In Lagos" coming up on October 15, 2014, describing it as a step towards sensitizing residents to the harmful effects of noise pollution.

Speaking at the State's first "Lagos Drivers' Appreciation Day" held at the Lagos Chamber of Commerce and Industry House, Alausa, Ikeja, Governor Fashola said the Horn free day was an initiative of his administration to persuade citizens that there is a better way to live than indulging in noise pollution which has been found to be harmful to their health.

The Governor said in pursuance of the efforts to reduce environmental pollution in the State his administration has brought up the initiative meant to sensitize Lagos residents to the dangers caused by noise pollution to their health and that of their neighbours and family members.

Re-enforcing the remarks of the Guest Lecturer who put the harmful noise level at 70 decibels and above, the Governor said there is need to come down significantly because according to the global standard for measuring noise, "90 decibels is rather too high and harmful to human health".

"It is for our own good, it is for our own health, it is for our own life. It is not because Governor Fashola said so. It is not because Lagos State Government said so. It is simply because it is good for us. Doctors have told us it is for our own ultimate good", the Governor said.

"What we see in a way that we now choose to live is that because we live in a very noisy environment, which we can really diminish, we tend to be very noisy ourselves. We speak at the top of our voices, we play music at very high decibels and we do very many things at very high levels".

The Governor pointed out that the campaign against noise pollution was a response to the petitions and complaints of "citizens and tax payers who, on daily basis, write and petition us that somebody is preventing them from sleep either from the noise they are making or from other uncharitable activities they are carrying on without regard for the wellbeing of their neighbours".

Governor Fashola said the gathering also came from the challenge that he posed when Lagos State hosted the National Council on Transportation about a year ago during which he observed in his speech that in some other parts of the world, one could spend days on their roads and would  not hear any noise.

He further recalled, "Occasionally, when you hear a siren you know something has gone wrong in that system; you know that either an ambulance is on its way to an emergency or firemen are on their way to a fire or policemen are tracking and chasing criminals; and I said then that why should we be different, are we not Nigerians?".

Saying that such a change should start from Lagos "the Centre of Excellence", Governor Fashola expressed joy that the Ministry of Transportation and all her affiliated agencies, the Drivers' Institutes, the Transport and the Law Enforcement Institutes, have all taken the challenge up to the level of implementation.

He declared, "We are gathered here today to sensitize ourselves in preparation for the day we have chosen as a Horn-Free Day; the No-Noise day or whatever you chose to call it, but let us just bring down the noise in our society. On that day we will not be gathering like this. Each one of us and all of us will be consciously doing something to start this very exciting journey in order to reduce noise in our society".

Thanking the Guest Lecturer for her "very informative presentation" about the adverse effect of noise on the quality of life of human beings, on their well-being and on their health, Governor Fashola said reduction in noise pollution would clearly bring about  "better life, a healthier life and a more prosperous life".

The Governor charged the audience, "I want you to remember as we leave here today that starting from the 15th of October, whether we reduce noise or not starts from you and I.  If you and I make the commitment to do something positive in order to reduce noise, clearly you and I will benefit".



He also thanked members of BE ROAD FRIENDLY CLUB who, he said "have continued to be our champions of very excellent traffic behaviour", adding,"It shows that our transport advocacy is not only to the elderly but we have gone to the schools and many of our schools now have this club. So we are catching them from the very beginning and exposing them to the very best culture of road traffic use and public transportation etiquette".

The Governor commended the drivers, especially the awardees, for their commitment to obedience of traffic regulations adding, "Your presence here today in your numbers has clearly sent a strong message of your commitment to improving our public transportation practices and processes in Lagos State".

"We will continue to show up models of excellence like the Centre of Excellence that we are, people who understand that driving on our roads is very serious business and that it has consequences when it is done properly just as it has very serious  consequences when things go wrong", he said.

Expressing excitement in anticipation of the Horn-Free Day, Governor Fashola declared, "It is the day from which we take the first step towards a journey of very many rewards. I promise you that our lives will change for the better if we are able to do this. People that doubted our capacity have always been surprised that whenever the people of Lagos get together there is nothing that they cannot achieve".

In her Lecture titled, "Noise Pollution Is Too Serious To Be Ignored", the Guest Lecturer, Dr. Kubie Enitan Layeni-Adeyemo, described noise as an unwanted sound adding that if noise is not below 70 decibels it is like spending a day in a factory full of noise.

Citing such noise to include those from generators, aircraft, and even dogs, the Guest Lecturer said a research by the National Research Centre has proved that noise levels produced in different sources at different times of the day are well over the level set by the Environmental Protection Agency and that noise pollution do contribute to many health problems.

Such health problems, she said, include partial or permanent deafness, loss of concentration, nervous breakdown and other physical and psychological problems adding, "Noise pollution is excessive noise which may harm our activity or balance of human or even animal life".

Earlier in his welcome address, the Commissioner for Transportation, Mr. Kayode Opeifa, promised that Lagos Drivers have been mobilized for 15th of October Horn-Free Day adding that all the motor parks in the State now wear banners put up by the National Union of Road Transport Workers (NURTW) and other stakeholder unions while contact has also been made with drivers' employers within and outside the State for the occasion.  He also said the Drivers' Appreciation Day and the Horn-free Day would be an annual event.

Highlights of the event included the award of certificates to drivers from diverse organizations both private and public who successfully completed the State's School of Traffic Safety Advocacy Programme and presentations by members of BE ROAD FRIENDLY CLUB and a drama group from the University of Lagos.

Also present at the occasion were the Deputy Governor, Hon. (Mrs.) Adejoke Orelope-Adefulire, Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Transportation, Mr. Oluseyi Coker, members of the National Union of Road Transport Workers (NURTW), members of the Lagos State Transport Management Agency (LASTMA) and other agencies of the Ministry of Transportation as well as top government functionaries.

 SIGNED:
HAKEEM BELLO
SPECIAL ADVISER ON MEDIA TO H.E
OCTOBER O9, 2014

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Friday, 10 October 2014

Modupe Ozolua is 41 Today..

Modupe Ozien Ozolua is 41 years today!

The sexy mother of one adds another year to her beautiful years today..

She is the CEO of Body Enhancement and Founder of a non-profit organization, BEARS Foundation, which offers free corrective surgery to underprivileged men, women and children.

The entrepreneur and philanthropist was born in Benin, Edo October 10, 1973.

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Thursday, 9 October 2014

Is Mesut Ozil A Reincarnation of Ferrari??

Enzo Anselmo Ferrari was born on 18 February 1898 in Modena, Italy and died 14 August 1988 at the age of 90, the same year Arsenal footballer Mesut Ozil was born!
Ozil was born on October 15 1988.

See the resemblance! You would think colour was just added Ferrari's picture which turned out to be Ozil..

When you think of reincarnation, this is a strong one to convince you..

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Wednesday, 8 October 2014

New Music|| Tiwa Savage - My Darling



Tiwa "d Diva" drops yet another single titled "My Darling"..
Produced by Don Jazzy and Babyfresh..
Download the song My Darling

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Monday, 6 October 2014

Meet The Man Who Made Moji Olaiya, Mercy Aigbe et al Famous!

Olaide Olabanji is a popular name in the Yoruba movie industry. He has been in the business for a very long time having worked as an actor, producer and movie director.
He is the CEO of Laiban film productions. He got into acting about 2 decades ago and shot his first production, Omo Welfare in 1993.

The Kwara State-born man is the producer of blockbusters like Boya Lemo, Orule, Mawoju E, Final Year, Die Minute, No Comment, Sebi Eyan Ni and several others.

Asides the fact that he developed the interest of going into acting from his days in primary school, he was inspired by late Ade Love before he eventually joined through Odunifa Movie Caucus.

Before he delved into acting in 1992, he worked with Nigerian Port Authorities and ever since he joined, he has been doing well in the industry.

He is passionate about helping upcoming stars in exhibiting their talents. Among those he discovered include star actresses, Lola Alao, Moji Olaiya and Mercy Aigbe..

He met Lola Alao through his colleague, Ayo Mogaji and he introduced her in his first production titled,  Boya Lemo in 1993 which eventually registered Lola's name on people's minds.

At the time he met Moji Olaiya, she was featuring in a TV weekly series called Ireti Nbe which Olaide was carried away with her performance before he invited her to star in his movie titled Mawo Ju E which was shot in Dayo Adeneye D1's house in Ajegunle, Lagos, Nigeria.

Mercy Aigbe was working at an office on the Island while she was also living in the same compound with Olaide's brother in Gbagada, Lagos before Olaide walked up to her to convince to go into acting. Her first appearance was in Olaide's movie titled Sebi Eyan Ni where she played the lead role and it was that movie that brought her to the limelight.mercy

These three actresses are today icons in the Yoruba movie industry.
The multi-talented actor will premiere his latest movie at De Hall Event Centre, Awolowo Way on the 16th November 2014.

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Sunday, 5 October 2014

The Best Pepsi Ad Ever!!!


This Pepsi advert was shot in 2004 but it's still the best so far!

It had the settings of the old Roman Empire where gladiators fight each other in the arena.

It featured Beyonce, Pink and Britney Spears as gladiators who were to fight one another but they rather turned against the Emperor - Enrique Iglesias.

Download the video here

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Friday, 3 October 2014

Taiwo of the Oshadipe Twins is dead

The Oshadipe twins are known for their hit tracks "Dide Olorun mi" and "Agboko lori" started singing at a very tender age under the tutelage of some great Nigerian music legends like late Sonny Okosuns.

One of the twins, Taiwo reportedly died in the early hours of this morning in Lagos. Details of her death are still sketchy but reports say she battled a brief illness.

She was married and just recently gave birth to her first child. She last updated her Facebook page on October 1st.

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Sunday, 28 September 2014

"She" Might Replace Joan Rivers on Fashion Police

The very blunt Real Housewives of Atlanta Star, NENE LEAKS,is said to be the favorite replacement candidate for the late Joan Rivers.

According to Perez Hilton ..the spot was supposed to go to Kathy Griffin until producers started considering NeNe because she has "serious comedic timing, but also because E! is looking to diversify their panel with a different ethnicity."

The source goes on to explain that Tyra Banks , Lisa Lampanelli, andAmy Schumer are also in the running. And of this alternate list Tyra is the most seriously considered, however, "E! is concerned she doesn't have a sane strong enough point of view to fill Joan's highly opinionated seat."

Fans on social media have been calling for the show to be cancelled or a better replacement made because filling Joan River's shoes won't be easy.

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MTN Project Fame West Africa 7 Winner is....

Geoffrey!

Geoffrey Oji was crowned winner of Season 7 of MTN's Project Fame West Africa which came to an end on Saturday.

Going into the final day, Oji was 3rd in the polls of the likely winner, behind Daniella & Christian.

However, Geoffrey tipped the odds in his favor with his rendition of Asa's Beautiful and it was all that was required for him to win the competition and walk away with a cheque of N5m, a brand new car as well as a recording contract.

Ruky came in in second place, winning a cash prize of N2m and a car while top seed Christian was named second runner up and was also rewarded with N2m and a car.

Congratulations!

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Friday, 26 September 2014

Julius Agwu Beats Wife in Elevator


Nigerian comedian Julius Agwu creates a parody of the Jay Z/Solange and Ray Rice/Janay Rice elevator brawl video to preach against domestic violence..

Download video here

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Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Kris Jenner Has Officially Divorced Bruce!


Nearly one full year after Kris and Bruce Jenner announced their separation.
The Kardashian momager has finally taken a step towards making the split permanent, and filed for divorce in Los Angeles.

A copy of the documents, which cite irreconcilable differences is the reason for the split. According to the docs, Kris wants joint physical and legal custody of their daughter Kylie, 17. (Daughter Kendall is 18.) She also requested to keep her own jewelry, and wants to keep all assets from the date of separation.

As for the couple's other property, the documents state that they will divide everything later. The documents cite June 1, 2013 as the date of their separation.

Kris and Bruce tied the knot in 1991, only one month after the future reality matriarch's divorce from Robert Kardashian Sr. was finalized. Bruce had been married to Linda Thompson from 1981 to 1984.

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Saturday, 20 September 2014

Ebola|| Lagos State Distributes Thermscans to Schools

As Lagos schools prepare for resumption, the state government has distributed thermoscans, a scientific instrument used to measure body temperature, to its 1007 Ebola Focal Officers (EFOs) in public primary schools and 668 others in its public secondary schools.

Special Adviser to the State Governor on Public Health, Dr. Yewande Adeshina, who disclosed this at a sensitization and enlightenment seminar for the EFOs yesterday, explained that they will be responsible for surveillance and health monitoring of the disease in each school and interface between schools and primary healthcare centres if the need to refer students arises.

Adeshina noted that the thermoscans were procured by the state government for the use of schools in order to check vital signs of students, especially body temperature, which can signal the commencement of fever.

She added that government also planned to provide public schools which are not connected to the state water supply with water, stressing that gloves and liquid soaps for hand washing had also been procured to aid personal and environmental hygiene.

Adeshina noted that mass fear about the disease is harmful, stressing that only visibly ill or sick patients can spread the disease via direct contact with the broken skin, mucous membranes and secretions of an infected person or through direct contact with materials and surfaces that have been contaminated by an infected person.

She said: "Lagosians, please remain calm. There is no reason to panic as your government, in partnership with the federal government and development partners, is resolved and committed to contain the disease."

While noting that the containment of Ebola is a shared responsibility of all citizens, the Special Adviser implored Ebola focal officers to take the issue of personal and environmental hygiene with utmost importance and report any suspicious case of the disease to the appropriate quarters or call the Ebola help line.

Adeshina said the EFOs have also been provided with guidelines on how to prevent the spread of the disease, stressing that one of the goals of the seminar was to enlighten them on what they need to know about Ebola and what should be done upon suspecting the disease.

She reiterated that Ebola infection is not a death sentence as evidenced by the recovery of nine confirmed cases in Lagos, who have now been discharged with five of them meeting the state governor on Thursday to recount their ordeal with the disease.

The Special Adviser noted that the common thread amongst the recovered cases remains their early presentation for supportive treatment, adding that there is the need to report any suspected case since the earlier they are brought for screening and surveillance, the better the outcome.
 
She opined that all hands must be on deck in order to get to the home stretch after the last curve is achieved in a very timely fashion, having gone this far with the containment measures.
- Nation
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.

Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Barca Name Training Pitch after Late Tito Vilanova


Barcelona have honored the former coach Tito Vilanova by renaming a training ground after him.

The Catalan club's board of directors agreed to name the number one pitch at the club's training camp at Sant Joan Despi after Vilanova.

Vilanova, who replaced Pep Guardiola at the helm of Barca and won La Liga in his only season in charge, died of throat cancer at the age of 45 in April.

A statement from Barcelona read: "The Board gave its unanimous approval of the proposal to rename pitch number one at the Ciutat Esportiva after Tito Vilanova in posthumous honor of the former FC Barcelona player and manager."

Vilanova began his playing career at Barcelona's training academy but never made it to the first team. Instead, he played at Celta Vigo and Mallorca before his career was cut short by a serious knee injury.

He went on to coach Barcelona's youth system and in 2008 he was hired as Guardiola's assistant.

Vilanova helped Barca win 14 of a possible 19 major trophies in four years under Guardiola before becoming head coach in the summer of 2012.

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PICTURES: The IGOGO Festival 2014


The Igogo Festival is an annual festival in Owo town, Ondo state which will have the King and His chiefs dressed like women to honour Oronsen who was a supernatural queen of the then Olowo.

It's usually a 17 day long festival but this year's was on a "low-key" due to the Ebola outbreak in the country. Nevertheless, some activities took place..

more pictures after the cut below..

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Dr. Ada Igonoh inspiring story on how she survived Ebola virus disease


Dr. Ada Igonoh of First Consultants Hospital, one of the doctors who attended to the late Patrick Sawyer who brought in Ebola into the country, has finally spoken.

She (Dr. Ada Igono) disclosed how she got infected with the virus but miraculously survived it.
She begun by narrating how Patrick Sawyer was wheeled into the Emergency Room at First Consultants Medical Centre, Obalende.

“Patrick Sawyer had complaints of fever and body weakness. The male doctor on call admitted him as a case of malaria and took a full history. Knowing that Mr Sawyer had recently arrived from Liberia, the doctor asked if he had been in contact with an Ebola patient in the last couple of weeks, and Mr. Sawyer denied any such contact. He also denied attending any funeral ceremony recently. Blood samples were taken for full blood count, malaria parasites, liver function test and other baseline investigations. He was admitted into a private room and started on anti-malarial drugs and analgesics. That night, the full blood count result came back as normal and not indicative of infection.

Continue to read after the cut below.....

VIDEO|| Surprise Baby Shower for Mercy Johnson


Mercy Johnson gets emotional as friends and family throws her a surprise baby shower..
Watch  the vdeo here

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Sunday, 14 September 2014

Elnathan John - HOW TO BE A WOMAN IN NIGERIA

I wanted to write an article on "How to be a Man", seeing as we are told in scripture that man was made before woman. But since that manual was going to be too short for its own column, I decided to include it here.

How To Be a Man in Nigeria:
Do what you want, when you want, how you want. The world is yours. Only fellow men can stop you. The End.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, let us talk about women.
This is how to be a woman in Nigeria.

As a woman you must understand the Grundnorm which will guide you throughout life: You, having been made from the ribs of a man, are inferior to man. Once you understand this, every other thing becomes easier to swallow, pun intended.

In Nigeria, your life is incomplete without a man. So when you have got those degrees, that plum job, that house, those cars, it would be right for a journalist to ask you: so, (after all these irrelevant achievements) when are you going to get married? Because in Nigeria, a woman who does not get married will not make heaven. She is incomplete, like a missing sock, or the bad left leg of a sandal.

As a woman professional who has done the right thing and got married, you must prepare in every interview to answer the following question: How do you balance family and work? It does not matter that successful men with many wives and dozens of children are never asked about work-family balance. It is not a man's job to take care of children. That is why you were made. And that is why when you decide to go and become successful, we need to ask you if you are neglecting your primary responsibility, which is cleaning up after the man you married.

A good, scripture-believing woman must avoid agents of the devil, like those who say that women need to have the same rights as men. Any woman who tells you that women are equal human beings and deserve the same treatment is a woman that wants to drag you to hell.

In matters of sex, you must never admit to knowing anything more than basic lying down and letting it happen to you. You are not a participant. You are a mere facilitator in an activity designed to make your superior human enjoy the process. That is why women who talk about their sex life are called sluts. It does not matter that it takes two to tango. If nature wanted you to be a human being like a man, it would not have made you the one carrying the pregnancy. A slut simply defined is a woman who wrongfully appropriates to herself the right to enjoy sex. I would advise you not to worry about the fact that a man, who does the same thing a slut does, is called a stud. Even in the animal kingdom, male and female animals have different names. That is why a male dog is called a dog and a female, a bitch. It is not my fault. Ask the white people who came up with those names. Just remember the Grundnorm: women are inferior to men.

The rule is, never admit to enjoying sex or even to having had previous partners or boyfriends. If you meet a man and you are not a virgin, you must find a way of explaining why you are in this sinful state. You can say that you were doing inter-house sports in secondary school and while doing the high jump, you lost your hymen. Or you can blame it on riding bicycles. But if you have to admit to ever having had sex, say that it happened only once and that you did not enjoy it even. Say that he deceived you. Then the man will forgive you for not being a virgin.

Do not ask how many women he has been with – how is this relevant? It is your virginity that counts. However, never ever admit to having been sexually abused, because you will be blamed for putting yourself in the position to be raped. And no one will want you.

Do you have a daughter? Do not despair. Sometimes God tests us with difficulties. While I pray for you to get a boy and believe God for a miracle, I will tell you how to do the hard work of preparing your girl child to be the ideal woman. I have prepared a list of things you must do. Follow this list and your daughter will turn out to be a happy, Nigerian woman:

1.      Let her wear pink. Girls wear pink. It does not matter if she likes blue.

2.     Teach her to be a princess. Princesses sit all day in castles and wait to be rescued by princes to whom the world belongs. Her goal should be to make a prince happy one day.

3.      Do not teach her how to change light bulbs, care tires or lift heavy items. That is for her brothers. This will ensure that she will go through life depending on men to do these things for her. A woman who knows how to depend on a man is a happy woman.

4.     Teach her how to be a good wife. This means first knowing how to clean and cook for a man. Because if you do not cook for a man, he will find another, well-trained cooking woman to sleep with. And it will be your fault. On no account should you teach your son how to cook. This will weaken him and make him a slave to some evil witch of a woman. You do not want this.

5.      Teach her to know her place. A woman does not raise her voice where there are men. That is a badly behaved woman with no home training. A good woman knows that silence is golden.

6.     Let's say your daughter has finished university and just found work. While it is OK to buy a car for your son to make it easy for him to get to work, you must not do so for your daughter. In fact, before she gets married you must advise her against buying a car for herself. This scares men away. And god forbid that your daughter ends up as an old angry spinster. Old angry spinsters become feminists or worse, lesbians. And we all know lesbians and feminists will not make heaven.

7.      Teach her to cover her body properly and wear very long skirts. Because women who expose their bodies provoke men into raping them. You don't want the devil to use your daughter to tempt men.
I will keep sharing tips with you as they come to me. Because I care.

God bless your hustle as you try to become the perfect happy Nigerian woman.

LOL.. Dude is so sick!!!

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